Do you remember the last day of your life without anxiety? The last day you lived before anxiety? I don't... To be honest, I struggle with anxiety since I was a little girl. Not as a disorder like now, but it was there already, not normal anxiety, since ever... I remember overthinking everything, in silence, in secret. I remember being alone, crying for over thinking a situation, and I already knew that it wasn't normal, so I didn't told anyone. Wow, just thinking about it now...Such a strong and sad memory... How can a child live like this? In secret...why? I realy don't know. I have the best family support ever, absolutly no reason to suffer in silence, or even to suffer at all... Growing up was building this disorder, like feeding it till it grew to the monster it is now. Like you can guess, writing this is making me very, very anxious...thinking about what I've caused to my life, my little me... See how this brain works? So dangerous... Likely I have tools now, to control it...a little....but enough...I guess. I think about my past everyday, as a critic evaluation, a guilty one too. I shouldn't, it's not healthy, but my thoughts and my overthinking it's my worst enemy in this war. I had fears, I had nightmares, and I still do, but my first enemy to fight anxiety, it's the overthinking. Yes, I try the happy thoughts, good memories, good feelings, but sometimes I can't...It's like having two brains and one does not love me that much LOL you know? And it's hard too ignore the evil brain, and the more I see how hard it is, louder it becomes...
Be kind...
MaryJane
