Smile, sad face

Maybe because I'm young, or maybe because I'm a woman, but sometimes, like today, nothing is enough. I've got a job, finally, I have the most lovely family, fluffy friends, but it's not enough. Why? Just because. I don't know. I'm feeling like I'm not following my way, some how. I know it's probably just the anxiety saying "Hi, I'm still here, don't forget", but it's not fair for me and for those who love me and do anything for me. I feel like I should be traveling the world, working in so many different things, but I'm to dependent of my home, my blood, you know? I want that but if I do it that would not make me happy. Okay, it's probably because I'm a woman. You know, that thing that we, women, can not control, the "more" disease. More shopping, more movies, more love, more hugs, more kisses, more, more, more. 

Girl power, I guess.
Take each day as it comes *MaryJane

Love me

I'm not easy to love. I know. All my life, just being love it's hard. 

I've never left people get closer, it's a little world, only mine, I feel safe here, I don't want to lose it. I was in relations before, yes, but not good or healthy relations, and that just made it worst. My last relationship broke my heart, my peace, my soul. For the first time in my life, I opened the doors, let him in, I was happy, but not for long. So, now it's almost impossible for me to trust again, to fell in love so bad that nothing else matters, like love should be. I miss that sometimes, I really do.

Living with the anxiety disorder changed everything, but not one thing, my need for my lonely side, my peace. But, for the other side, the anxiety made more afraid of loosing the control of my emotions, and that it's a stop sign for start to be in love someday. I see that, I understand that, but I don't want to fight against it, it's too comfortable right now, because now I control what I feel, I mean, my state of mind does not depend of anyone, if we're okay today, if he called me, if we had a fight, you know? When I lost the control of myself , my life, my emotion, when I was diagnosed with this disorder, it was so hard to put everything in order again, that now it's to precious to lose it, but is worth it? Am I gonna be alone for the rest of my life because I'm to scare to live it? Maybe... Maybe I already love you, but it is just to much for me to realize it. Maybe I need you so bad already that scares me even more now.
Love me.

Take each day as it comes *MaryJane