Yes, I'm weird.

If everyone tells you that you're weird and different, that's the best thing that they can say to you. Because being yourself is your freedom, be what you love to be, it's weird for those who judge, but they don't matter. I like to have my hair in different colors, red was my favorite so far, but now I'm blond. I love everything that it's vintage, sunglasses, bags, anything. I have those:

I love them so much!

A lot of people tell me that I'm different, but that makes me feel good, special, unique. I really don't care if I'm judged, at all. I love my family, love my friends, I'm a good daughter, sister, friend, human being, and that's what matter, not what I'm dressing, or my hair, or my tattoos (I have 5 tattoos now). The more you love your differences, the more I admire you. Be who you are, be proud, don't change your real you for some small minds. I guess I'm in Gaga mode now LOL but it's really what I think and how I live.
So Porto. It's really, really bad weather here this two days, raining all the time. I didn't have any pictures yet, but I promise I will. I've visited some companies, hoping get a job interview soon.
My anxiety it's very controlled today, I was so happy yesterday that I believe that gave me a lot of peace with myself. Please fight for you, for your life, your freedom from anxiety, the moment you do, your life change. I know it's not a cure, but it's a big achievement for me and my own cause.

Take each day as it comes *

MaryJane

Because I'm Happy

I just can't believe that I did it. I'm here, out of my comfort zone, by myself, for the first time in 4 years. It was not easy, the anxiety tried to make me give up, it was really on top, bad anxiety, but I said to my self "I'm better than this, I'm stronger, I need this." Now I have the most peaceful feeling and so happy for me. So what I tell is, take your time, and when you feel ready do it, fight it, you can do this, you deserve this good feeling. Now I see that I could do this sooner, but now it was the time that I felt stronger. It's very important that you do it in you own time, it's okay to try again, but never give up.
I'm loving being here, I met a lot of new people, I'm so happy and tired, because of the anxiety I didn't slept last night.
I'm gonna sleep now, proud and happy :)
Tomorrow I'm gonna try to find a job, wish me luck !

Take each day as it comes *

MaryJane

Oh God...

It's tomorrow...can you believe it? I can't. Tomorrow I'm gonna travel alone, stay out of my comfort zone for four days, for the very first time, this is so huge for me, and scary. I'm really nervous, I know I need this, but it's so hard. I just want to close my eyes and when opened it's Sunday, I'm back home and very happy for my success. But that's not possible, if I wanna feel it, I need to fight for it. I hate anxiety, and for sure she hates me too LOL but I'm stronger.
I've got big plans for this days out. I hope I can meet beautiful places, see great things, buy something new for me, and it would be perfect if I get a job interview, I really hope so.
You know what I love? Photos. I love photos because it's more than a memory, it's a feeling, an emotion, a story, oh I don't know, I love it. A perfect photo on the wall, like for example a family portrait, when you see your clothes and your hair when you were little, it's so great, so funny. A memory it's yours, you can explain to me but in my head it's gonna be different, but a photo it's more. This days in Porto gonna be a very important memory, good memory, so I'm gonna take some pictures, maybe I'll show here some. Share my pure good memory with you, the day I fought my fears.

Take each day as it comes *

MaryJane

Hello April

A new month starts. I do so much promises on the first day of each month, but I never change anything, it's like new years resolutions, but every month. But this month has something new, me going alone to Porto, and that it's a BIG change for me and my anxiety. Today is Tuesday, so it's almost here the big day, oh God, the anxiety it's bigger and bigger. What I do is think about how great feeling I'm going to feel Sunday, the day I'll be back home, It really helps to calm the anxiety a little. I also organize my thoughts, like files, very good thoughts, happy thoughts, positive thoughts and only in the end the stressful thoughts, and those are only for one minute. For someone that doesn't have anxiety disorder, this may look easy and simple, mas it's not, it's really hard for me to control my emotions and fears, it's difficult to learn that, but not impossible :)
It's so cold outside, always raining, if the sun was shining everything were more easy, I don't about you, but sunny days calm me down a lot.
I love nail polish, I'm always painting my nails, it's my thing lol Today I bought 5 new colors, my favorite so far it's this one:

What you think? That's not my hand, btw, it's from Google. I love it **
When I put the other polish in my nails, I'll show here the colors.
(Again, sorry about my English)

Take each day as it comes *

MaryJane

Mary Jane: 1 - Anxiety:0

Having this problem with anxiety for 4 years made me learn how to fight it. My Doctor told me some tricks that I could use, like breathing slow, at first I though that I was just a stupid idea, but it's really not. If you breath slow, just get focus on that, it really works. It's better if you lay down in your bed, in silence, thinking in everything that make you happy today, or yesterday, or any day, that distracts your mind and  the anxiety goes away. If I'm on the street or just some social event, I still do my breathing, it takes more time because it's more difficult to concentrate but with happy thoughts, maybe some water, breath some air, calm, the anxiety goes away. When the situation is more than this, like real strong anxiety, just sit, breath, take some time by yourself or with someone you trust, the worst feeling just takes 10 min, never more than that, it's physically impossible , you know in few minutes it will go away, just breath. When you feel better it's really important that you comeback to the situation that gave you that anxiety, so you know it's okay, you controlled the situation. If you just leave, your mind will associate that situation to bad anxiety. Be strong, take your time, try one, two, three times, doesn't matter, but do it until you got it.

What also help me a lot, is do thing that I love before. Shopping, be with my family and friends, watch a movie, paint my nails... It's different for each one of you, so do what you enjoy, even if sometimes the anxiety makes you feel you're not in the mood, that's a lie, once you do it you'll see how great you feel. 

This are just some tips, but I hope it's useful for you.

Today I thought it would be a bad day, but I was wrong, I survived to this Monday day one.
Dear Spring, I hate rain and wind at the same time, it's like being attacked by all angles,it's not a fair war. Please be good to me and bring the sun and happy colors.

Take each day as it comes *

MaryJane

Monday it's always day one

Hi.
Today it's Monday, it should be a normal day, but on Thursday I'm going to Porto for a few days, looking for a interview for a new job, and for me that's a big step, so Hello Anxiety! It's okay, it's in a low level, but my brain starts to think that if today it's like this, Wednesday night it's gonna be much worse. But I really need this, so no matter what, I'm gonna do it.
I'm really tired of this weather!! It's Spring, I want sun and flowers everywhere! It's so cold outside and tomorrow it's already April, it's enough! The truth is that maybe, just maybe, I'm miss my Spring clothes. I'm a girl, we think like that, and this is the truth.

Take each day as it comes *

MaryJane

Let it be

Back when I was a child, I would never imagine my future "me" like this. I was a very free spirit little girl, spoiled (a lot) but a really good kid. Now, I'm a young woman who learnt (or tried) how to live with anxiety. Since anxiety grabbed me, my life changed. At first I thought I was crazy, I thought I was going to die. I had panic for no reason, scared just to leave the house, public situations made me panic... I decided I need help. A doctor explain to me everything that was going on on my mind and body, and that helped a lot. That was 4 years ago, I'm much better now, but I have a big, BIG war in my hands yet. Some days are good days, some are just more difficult to smile.

My life is about to change. Finished school last year, now I need to get a job, I tried in my town but I probably need to move to a big city. That's a big change for me and my anxiety. I know I need it, but it's so hard to control the new things, that sometimes I just don't wanna change anything anymore. But I can't give up, I need to fight, fight for me, for my life, my freedom from this poison. It's so hard to fight it, but when I do is such a great feeling, pure happiness! 

I decided to make this blog, because when I was real sick, things like this helped me a lot, because I felt someone was feeling the same way, maybe somehow I was not alone. I live in Portugal, but my blog is in English (not perfect, sorry) because I wanna help everyone in the world who needs this, and in Portuguese that was not going to happen so easily. 

This gonna be a very positive place, good energy, good vibe, very feminine sometimes, with fashion and make up, anything that help my day be happier :)

I'm gonna share here my daily experiences, battles with my anxiety, my thoughts about everything, my opinion, help someone who ask me for help or some advice...

Hope this make you feel you're not alone, you're not different, you're just living a experience that definitely gonna make you a better and bigger person.

Take each day as it comes *

MaryJane