How I feel now it's not a garantee that I'll be okay the next second. My mood change so quickly and sometimes for no big reason. In a second I'm fine and confident, next second everything bothers me, and when I realize that I get so frustrated and more mad. I try to control it but I can't, if I remember something that makes me anxious I hate everything around me. Like for example, I'm going out with my friends, happy and calm, if something bothers me, even just a little bit, I lost it, the night is over for me, I'm there but I'm not present, I'm just thinking and thinking and mad and thinking a little bit more. I hate everything that takes the control from me, and I don't realize that being mad about losing the control makes me losing it even more. For me, this is the worst to control, I see it but I can't change it. This ruins most of the events that I used to go, most of the things I loved to do. In the end I feel very sorry for my reaction, for ruin everything, but in the moment I don't see that. I know I have a temper, but now with anxiety it's worst, because now it's for nothing sometimes. I had times that I even lost great trips, just because I thought about stupid possibilities and I lost the control and I just didn't went. I don't know if someone feels the same or is just me, because I'm not talking about getting a anxiety crises, I'm talking about getting a stupid attitude, only because you think you are avoid the anxiety. Well, you're not.
Mary Jane
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